Using Both Joy and Pain To Grow In All Relationships (published in Wanderlust Life Digital Mag)

18 November 2015 by , No Comments

Imagine if relationships were just vehicles to assist you in your spiritual evolution? Imagine if you could fall in love with where you are in your life and in your relationships? When I pondered these two magnificent questions my whole life paradigm shifted and I had one of those “aha” moments.

Many of us desire to stay in joy, peace or even contentment each and every day, however, life’s ups and downs seem to drag us away from our intentions. When the toilet’s plugged, the kids are bickering at each other and you can’t find your car keys, we aren’t always thinking, “gee, I wonder how this is helping me spiritually?” In these times it’s difficult to shift our perspective.

Your Thoughs Are Not Facts

To shift your perspectives I suggest you think about your thinking. As an example, many parents feel guilty after they scream at their children after a long day. Use situations like these as learning opportunities – what old belief was nosing its way around in your sub-conscious mind? Perhaps you were feeling angry because no one thinks of you or thinking that no matter what I do it’s not good enough. Or, maybe you were thinking that you were a bad parent. These voices are coming from your false self, not your authentic Higher Self. Becoming aware of the distinction between your false self and your authentic Higher Self is an important step. I’m not suggesting you dismiss the screaming at your children as irrelevant, rather you become aware of the false self and address the sabotaging belief that is fueling your emotional reaction
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Recently, I had a client who was experiencing major anxiety because she hadn’t heard from her boyfriend in over a day. Her false self was feeding her thoughts such as “maybe he’s back with his old girlfriend; what if he doesn’t care about me” which intensified her anger. By the time they connected she was raging. He had lost his phone and was unable to contact her. Her distorted thoughts were sending her into a tailspin. In this scenario, I assisted her to see that her sabotaging belief was that she didn’t matter. This is what triggered her intense anger. Changing this belief was the focus of her work
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Tips To Manage Pain

I deliberately used the word ‘manage’ because pain is part of our human existence. Nonetheless, it’s excruciating at times when we’ve lost someone or are suffering from chronic pain or hate ourselves. Besides all the usual strategies such as counselling, exercise, limiting alcohol and eating healthy, practice:

• Talking to your friends/family who are good listeners and truly care. Knowing someone is standing beside you and you’re not alone eases some of the pain.
• Breathe and believe that the Divine Universe is cradling and soothing you! You are never alone. Sometimes this has been the only way that I’ve survived some of my painful experiences.
• Allow yourself to feel the pain without the negative chitter chatter. It is doable! Practicing mindfulness and mind control when life is neutral will prepare you for times when life is tipsy turvy. I guarantee you the pain will slowly pass – one breathe at a time.

Do you learn from your joyful experiences?

Do you allow yourself to see your beauty and the world’s beauty? Can you trust and let the love of others in especially when you are running on an empty tank? Being mindful and allowing your eyes, ears and senses to focus on these wonderful feelings with gratitude, manifests more of these positive experiences.

I believe we can shift paradigms and view both chaotic, stressful, joyful and exhilarating events as vehicles to teach and assist us to wake up to our authentic Self and a life of meaning and purpose. Each incident that you choose to view as a transforming versus a tragic moment, moves you in a new direction towards tapping into your authentic Self. I know part of my life purpose is to assist others in this paradigm shift.

“Imagine…every person is a unique piece of a puzzle which makes up the Universe…each piece is connected, influenced, and dependent on all the others. Allowing our limiting beliefs to affect our communication with others affects the whole puzzle and throws everything out of alignment.” (The Best Advice Your Mother Never Gave You)

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